A TenStep Guide to Writing Twilight Fan Fiction
by xcorkx
Summary: Ever see something so astonishing so many times you wonder how they do it? I've now written the ten-step guide to each kind. Brought to you by smell-o-vision; the vision so good they haven't invented it yet!
1. Self Inserts

**A/N:  
Hey all Cork here! I'm bringing you a comedy, or what I feel is one. I've read just SO many fics for twilight, no I'm not joking here. There were some good ones and so many I would say are cookie-cutter awful! So I'll bring you through the steps I think are used to achieve such fics creation. So, here you go! **

TODAYS EPISODE: THE TEN STEP GUIDE TO THE SELF INSERT/MARY-SUE FIC!  
If you don't know what a Mary-sue is (For if everyone did I speculate there would be far less of them) here's a definition brought to you by urban dictionary!  
_An original character (fem.) in fanfic or an original story, usually on the internet, who is far superior to all other characters. She is typically beautiful, intelligent, kind, and in all other ways "perfect". She usually serves as an important part in a pivotal plot element (ie: a prophecy) and becomes romantically involved with the author's favourite character in the story. The internet fiction world runs rampant with these characters.  
_(Note: Gary-stus are the male version if you would like to make a male character this is perfectly acceptable!)

So now on with your guide to the 'perfect' OC fic!

**STEP ONE:**  
Create your character!  
They should be everything you wish you were and/or your idea of the perfect person. (i.e.: A total rebel, a super smart hottie, the prettiest girl in town.)  
The name you chose may be: similar to your name, the name you wish your parents gave you or something Japanese when they have no Japanese heritage.  
Sprinkle in a tragic past (i.e.: abusive parents, dead parents, dead and abusive parents, dead/abusive anyone or the unhappy person when they have no real problems!) or the happiest past in the world (your choice!) and watch them 'grow'

**STEP TWO:  
**Choose their love interest!  
Why not take the main character? Or one of the characters who ARE taken? I mean it's your fic you can do what you want to! Edward/Carlisle/Jacob/Emmet/Jasper better off without their respective partner anyways!

**STEP THREE:  
**Spelling, let's be real here. You either bag it altogether and spel lyke this 4 ur ntyur fic (translation for those of us who don't know what that says: spell like this for your entire fic) or use English with minor spelling and grammar errors (though I must forgive the grammar errors as I do have horrid grammar myself!) Choose wisely as this can make or break your fic!

**STEP FOUR:  
**Ok if they have a love interest they have to go. NOW! Make them get killed or something. (We all know Edward should have killed Bella at the end of twilight but since he's a Meyerpire that won't happen.)

**STEP FIVE:**  
Have for some unexplainable reason them be forced to work with or be near the character you have chosen for their love interest for extended periods of time. This will give them a friendship or rivalry if they don't already have one. Let this pan out over a chapter or two to get a simple point across. (For the more 'misunderstood' characters a rivalry or friendship comes across fine but for the more' bubble-gum-pop sun-always-shines-for-me characters you may want to make it a friendship to avoid character depth!)

**STEP SIX: (Note this is only for the 'misunderstood'  
**Now is the time for making the relationship develop into something 'more' by instilling their trust into the love interest about their life. (Although the tragic past may be explained more towards the end of the chapter to create a cliff hanger.)

**STEP SEVEN:**  
Oh young love… it's time to have your first romantic contact with the love interest. You must use the word orbs to describe eyes at least three times before the end of one paragraph; I have seen it enough times to know that it has become mandatory when talking about a Meyerpire's eyes. Really any little tap or conversation where they connect on a level beyond normal human contact will suffice.

**STEP EIGHT:  
**Well you've almost made it! Congrats! Well don't party just yet! You've got to go through a montage or an incredibly long bout of chapters where at the end the Volturi(Only applicable if your character is with a meyerpire) comes and steals away or threatens your character. But don't worry the love interest will be able to save them just in time for them to have another or first traumatic experience of their life!

**STEP NINE:  
**Now, last but not least. Turn them into a vampire or a werewolf (if not already) or something that makes them become fully apart of the group that the love interest lives with and considers family. Although this may seem simple you may want to make a huge ordeal out of it. After that's what Meyer did and she had her series turn out…. Okay…. Kind of.

**STEP TEN:**  
Congrats you did it. You've made it all the way to your final chapters. So what endings do you go with? In my opinion you have three choices.

Go down the Breaking Dawn and get your character impregnated (although this seems impossible to me if none of the bodily fluids lasted according to Meyer but that's a WHOLE other conversation) have that 'epic battle' and make Jacob a pedophile. This only works if you have a Meyerpire character

Make the character get a happily ever after and leave it at that.

Do either of the above and make a sequel. I don't recommend this.

**A/N I hope you've enjoyed our exploration to the world of self-inserts. While I do enjoy reading these for a good laugh I would never write one myself and put it on the internet. That's just me. If you love writing these keep it up but try to improve. Remember; if you wanna do it DO IT WELL! **

**P.S There will be more on the way. Next time we'll be chatting about AU fics!**


	2. Authors Note

Hey all its Cork. Here to explain a few things! I'm not insulting anyone in particular (LE GASP!) AT ALL or any particular fics. If it seems that way it just shows what I'm trying to; you're in the group of people that do the same thing at the same time. I actually read a lot of fan fiction as research for this so I don't close in on one particular fic or person because that's just rude and obnoxious. If you don't believe me that's fine to each his own right? If you have any grievances about this (i.e. not believing me or I left something out that you thought should be in there) I'll read it. I probably won't change it my theory is once it's up it's up. Sorry for offending anyone but I don't single people out with this kind of thing. It's the overlaps I show not the differences.


	3. Another authors note

A note from the author:

So if you enjoy this story you'll be pissed. I just can't find the inspiration for it anymore and it's honestly gotten to the point where it's like pulling teeth. I'm terribly sorry for misleading you for a while. Though, if I ever get the inspiration it'll come back. I promise.


End file.
